I know these blog posts are few and far between. I know some of you could really care less. Most days I want to rid myself of this "Attachment Mommy" alter ego. But then I'm having one of those nights of insomnia and I can't help but let my mind wander. Who am I kidding, I've been thinking about this topic for a long time. I just haven't had the guts to talk about it because I'm afraid of admitting to myself that I've let down my kids....a lot.
So here I go.
I forgot how to play with my kids. In fact I don't really think I've done a great job of doing that with Leo. At all!!! I guess I assume that, he has a brother. Or maybe that's my excuse when I feel like I don't have "time". Who doesn't have time though? If I put my technical device down. laid on the floor. Let them drive their cars all over me that would be good enough for them.
They really don't expect much from us. A little tender love and care and maybe the odd home cooked meal they still love YA to pieces. Sure they drive us bat shit crazy but who loves you unconditionally like that.
I apologized to Cohen the other day because I spazzed out like a maniac when Leo had shampoo in his eyes. He forgave me in a heartbeat. I really started to think about it after. Why was it Cohen's fault anyway. Cohen has taken on this role of wanting to do everything for Leo and it's really helped me a lot. I appreciate it. But at times I will come unglued if something crazy happens like showing leo how to cut an apple with a knife (butter).
Sorry got a little side tracked.
Anyways I feel like a lump of BLAH right now. I know that do a lot for my kids but do I do the things that they really need from me? I took the afternoon off today from work. We brought up every single Disney plush chair we could find and put in Monsters inc. I guess technically that's a fail because the technology was on.
I sat there and I just had to watch them. I don't know where the last year has gone. It has evaporated. Like, Cohen will be five and Leo will be two? Wtf? That is nuts to me. I can't help but feel like I missed it. A whole year.
My days are filled with piles of laundry, dog poop, stepping on dinky cars, answering emails, cooking, cleaning repeat repeat repeat. I also forgot that playing is way more fun than doing any of that.
That is all...I just needed to let that thought breathe. It's ok to forget sometimes, just remember to remind yourself. ✌️